because of my insomnia.

so my mom gave me one of her candles & now my room smells like french vanilla,mmm. these pictures were taken circa 1 am, because I was super bored and I couldn't sleep.
oh & my new favorite tv show is psych <3


bittersweet reality.

I just watched the notebook, and that movie always bring me to tears. it was such a touching love story, but it's sad to know that there's millions of people in the world that have alzheimers disease. my biggest fear is in fact, the dreadful possibility of having alzheimers disease. I would never ever want to forget all my favorites memories spent with my loved ones; it's truly devastating to even ponder about. i can't imagine how heartbreaking it is for someone who personally knows someone that has alzheimers. while writing this, I realized that including myself and others who don't have disablities,were the lucky ones. I'm grateful that i can still function & think properly. it's one of my many reasons to live my life to the fullest.

p.s. may god bless the people with alzheimers disease, also the family and friends effected by it. x


lack of inspiration and motivation.

currently: i desperately need a cigarette & want to get out of my house.
someone take me to party?please.


odd christmas,

I've realized when it's the holidays everyone becomes so nice & a lot happier. it's probably because of the christmas songs, I bet they secretly hypnotize their listeners to become all jolly & giving,ha.
I have many favorite holiday memories but I have one I particularly disliked. if you guys would like to know & have the time to read my story...then keep reading :]
so this happened a few years ago when I lived in california, I was probably 10 or 11. every year for christmas my family and I always went to our relatives house. ofcourse it was like a big re-union, basically a typical filipino gathering. all the older relatives who drank or smoked were always outside in the backyard. inside the house, the aunties would be gossiping and the other children (including myself) would try finding something fun to do. the older cousins would be upstairs in one of the rooms, they were usually chatting or on the computer. usually, whenever I'm at a family party, I would always meet a random relative that I don't ever recall meeting. they would hug me until it was awkward & they would ramble about how much I've grown. at one point, I got really bored because half of the guests left. at first, I didn't know what to do so I ate a plate of spaghetti. when I finished eating, I decided to go outside to talk to my grandpa. my grandpa was drinking a beer and playing a type of card game with the other relatives. I remember I asked him what beer tasted like & he let me try it, but when I took a sip, I almost gagged and spit it out. my grandpa and my uncles laughed at me -_- anyway, after awhile, I got bored again so I walked back into the house. as I walked into the living room,I was immediately captivated by a filipino movie playing on the tv screen. (and yes, I understand the language) I asked my mom what they were watching and she replied "it's bad for you, don't watch this movie". I stayed, even though I was repeatedly told not to watch it. basically the plot of the movie was that this women had been getting raped for 3 years by 3 different guys. once her husband found out, he killed the 3 guys and became possessed by their "evil spirit". one of the scenes that freaked me out was when the local priest tried to do some sort of exorcist on the guy, but failed. before the priest left, he told the wife to leave because he could potentially hurt her, or kill her. so during one night when her husband was sleeping, she decided to try and escape. as she was opening the car door...a hand suddenly appeared from under the car and grabbed her ankle. she started to scream and kick the hand and once she got out of it's grasp,she got in the car and frantically locked the car doors. as she's trying to start the car...she looks up at the windshield and her possessed physco husband is staring at her. i left after that scene though because it scared the shit out of me. then I decided to go upstairs to see what the older cousins were doing and as I was entering the room, the teenagers were watching a movie,they told me it was a horror movie called the grudge.I decided to stay just to see how "scary" it was. I wasn't there for long though because the only scene I saw was when someone was walking up the stairs and there was a pale girl standing outside the window...then when I saw that lil' boy, I ran out of the room and went back downstairs. then I found my younger cousins in another room playing a video game in the dark, they were playing a japanese game about ghosts!in this video game you would just pointlessly walk into "abandoned" houses and ghosts would unexpectedly pop up on the screen telling you a tragic/weird story. I was like wtf,is this the day to "lets scare the crap out of nicole day" well even though that video game doesn't seem completely horrifying...I had enough of dealing with creepy things that happened that night.

wasn't that a great story?lol.

If you want to tell me a memory you liked or disliked during the holidays, please leave it in a comment or send it to my email: nguzman2@tmail.com


you give me a warm sensation.

I just got home from christmas shopping with my family and I'm exhausted. my parents got me guitar hero,they tried hiding it from me,but it's not so easy hiding such a big box. I did give them a few cool points for trying,hahh. oh & my mom finally ordered my paramore t-shirt,it took more than a year of convincing, but all the nagging paid off >:D todays weather was cold & verrry windy,with lots of sunshine though. when it's ferociously windy I feel anxious because I'm so tiny, a strong gust of wind could make me fly all the way to china. I swear, the wind is always teasing me, messing up my hurrr & pushing me around. one day during pe class, I seriously thought I was going to fly across the football field,lol. (that would make a great youtube video)
anyway, it's pleasant having a reason to get cozy in my bed and wrap myself in 2 blankets & a comforter. ha,I know using 2 blankets and a comforter doesn't sound necessary for 60 degree weather because I should be used to cold weather since I've experienced 20-30 degree weather...but the feeling of warmth is comforting when your toes are as cold as ice cubes :P


feelin' apple pie happy.

(I found these in my garage.)

I'm not too sure, but I think my mom wants to visit her friend who lives 6+ hours away for christmas, I hope we don't go, I don't get along with her daughter & if we do go, my winter break would be extremely b-o-r-i-n-g :/
anyway, I was listening to lucy in the sky with diamonds by the beatles and in the song it mentioned: "where rocking horse people eat marshmallow pies" eucck,marshmallow pies sound extremely repulsive,hah.
if I were ever terribly sick and I had to describe how sick I felt...I would be like, "I'm feeling marshmallow pie sick."


orange, is a lonely word.

i discovered a new amazing band: MGMT
i just finished watching the finale for season 2 of Skins.
i can't wait 'till season 3 to come out :D
winter break has started, i still have yet to do something exciting,hopefully sometime soon i'll go out.
for now i'm going to sleep in as much as i can.
oh & just in case you guys weren't aware, there's 5 more days until christmas.


your eyes are the size of the moon.

i dont have anything really exciting or entertaining to write about since this week i've just been studying late at night for midterm exams. i have a few more exams to take tomorrow and friday, and then it's winter break.
it's weird to think that i won't be seeing some friends until, next year.
at least my days seem shorter and everything is going by real fast. it's good though, cause i can't wait to get outta here.

oh, and it's really annoying when someone constantly asks the same question after i've already answered.
for example:
annoying person: "are you okay?"
me: "yep."
annoying person: "no seriously, are you okay?"
me: "yeaaaaah."
annoying person: "are you sure you're okay...you look sad."
me:" no,i'm fine,thanks."


all you need is love.

today was okay, it rained cats & dogs during lunch though.
oh & supposedly they found "caylee anthony" when it stopped raining, and then the sky turned less gloomy.
i swear it's fate,ha.
well i'm off to finish all my projects that's due tomorrow.
note to self: i need to stop procrastinating.


remember when i was strange and likable?

what's up bloggers,it's been awhile...well i just thought i'd let you guys know i got my top braces off, it's temporary though,their putting new top braces sometime next year. oh & now i have bottom braces.
overall my day was gooooood, and getting my top braces off was like the cherry on top.
the disadvantage is, i can't really talk properly because they added this thing on the top roof of my mouth and i sound retarded,heh.


whisper words of wisdom.

nothing exciting happened today, except in 6th period, it's always fun in that class, but other than that, today was boring, a typical monday. this might seem irrelevant, but 2 months ago, it was my mom's birthday, and her favorite sanrio character is keroppi, so i decided to make her a keroppi in ceramics. it took 2 months for my teacher to finally fire it in the kiln, honestly, idk why it took so long -_- anyway, before thanksgiving break, i found my keroppi on the table of fired projects and when i saw my keroppi, it didn't turn out as i wanted it to... (picture below)

AND obviously it's missing an eye, now i have to wait for my teacher to find the eye, which isn't likely, but i'm really tired of waiting, and idk when i'll finish this.
oh & i realized it's arms are huge,compared to it's tiny body :P tehehe.


thanksgiving weekend.

(adrianne & i)

hey bloggers, the few pictures above are from thursday & friday, there's alot more pictures, but i posted most of them on my myspace. thanksgiving was better than i expected, my family and i went to orlando to spend thanksgiving with my dad's coworker's family and ofcourse there was food. there was filipino food, like pancit (noodles) & cassava cake (filipino desert). there was also mash potatoes,bread rolls, ham, and bbq ribs. adrianne and i took pictures at the park and we walked around her neighborhood. once we got back, we decided to watch HappySlip and ndtitanlady on youtube, and we also watched the Madtv video about the black guy asking a girl for her number. i've watched that video over 10 times, and it never gets old. the title is: can i have your number? or something like that :P (check them out, if you want a good laugh)
anyway, on "black friday" we visited 2 malls, and an outlet. i got a beatles tee from delias, and eyeliner from M.A.C. my family and i also ate at the cheesecake factory,mmmm. oh and i saw a handbag at juicy couture that i wanted to get (picture below) there was also other things i wish i could've got, but obviously i didn't. when i get a job,i'm definitely going to splurge on these types of things,ha.

p.s. i love juicy's ads.

hope everyone is having a good weekend so far. x



i have a feeling this 4-day weekend will be great. so since tomorrow is thanksgiving, i would just like to say i'm thankful for my family,friends,and basically everything i've been blessed with. i'm pretty excited for tomorrow since my family and i are going to orlando to spend thanksgiving with my dad's coworker's family. i get to see adrianne again, i'm excited to chill with her and i possibly might be sleeping over? oh and we might go shopping on friday too. hmm...a weekend consisting of food,shopping,family and friends sounds good to me :]


i'm empty, i need fulfilling.

(by the way, i didn't wear this outfit to school today, i felt like dressing up.)

my day was good, i'm looking forward to thanksgiving break though. since tomorrow is the day before break, most of my teachers told me we'll be watching a movie and were just going to relax. hopefully i can convince my 6th period teacher to let me stay in his class...most likely he'll let me skip 7th, but if that plan fails, i'll probably just go to the library. oh and it's exciting that christmas is a few weeks away, time flied by really quick. i'm glad though because it means i'm gonna be out of here in no time. even though 2011 is 3 years away, i'm just trying to be optimistic. oh and i had a weird dream last night...long story short, i was almost attacked by 3 snakes, and then this girl saved me and she took me to her house and it was made out of pillows and blankets, and we kept walking up stairs and we started to run away from something and the walls started closing in on me and as i was being smothered by pillows, my alarm went off. hmm, maybe i should look up the meaning of my dream on google :P


i want to go away, far far away.

what's up bloggers, there's 3 more days until thanksgiving and that means 2 more days of school (for me)
hey,for the ones in high school...
have you noticed freshman try really hard to act like they're soo cool?
when i was a freshman i was never like that, these freshmen seek for too much attention. now i understand why upperclassmen hate freshmen, just observing them, they can be really annoying. i'm just being honest, but it doesn't mean i don't talk to any freshmen,there's a few i can actually tolerate.generally,i'm a nice girl,i swear :]
ohhh and i can't stand it when girls glare at someone even though they didn't even say or do anything to them. (happens to me alot) and i don't talk that much in most of my classes, i'm pretty quiet. seriously,i want my life to fast forward to graduation because i'm tired of high school.


sunday morning.

currently, i'm procrastinating, i should be finishing my make-up work for school, and i should be studying for a test, but obviously i'd rather be blogging :P
well anyway, i woke up to my mom pounding on my door saying "get up,were going to church!"
i was surprised,we haven't been to church in awhile....exactly 6 months (my mom mentioned it) pffht,like i would keep track,ha.
i was annoyed my parents suddenly decided to go to church, and they wanted me to eat breakfast,take a shower,get ready in 30 minutes. one of my pet peeves is being rushed, i already was in a g-r-u-m-p-y mood since i didn't get enough sleep, and being rushed to get ready is something i definitely don't want when i wake-up.

so after i ate a cup of ramen noodles (roast chicken,mmm.)
i went into the shower and when i turned on the water, it was freezing! (my sisters used up all the hot water) i wasn't going to tolerate taking a shower with cold water, i just got done being sick and i think taking a shower in cold water + going out in cold weather= hello, runny nose.
i'm prone to getting sick, so with my luck, i'd catch a cold again, and i can't miss anymore school.
my mom started bitchin', saying i just didn't want to go to church and i was lying about the cold water.
i was willing to go, and to prove that to her...i found a huge pot and filled it with water, my mom thought i was going to cook something, and she freaked out when i told her i was going to boil water so i could take a shower. she was like "it's too late now, you don't want to go to church anyway,so don't bother."
*sigh* i think i'm going to relax and listen to sunday morning by maroon 5, it's also such a fun song to sing along to.



so today my family and i went to ikea (in orlando) and after going to ikea we discovered an amazing mall (millenia mall)
as we entered...i automatically saw Zara, i haven't been in Zara circa last year, that was when i lived in germany. i miss the european stores,especially H&M :(
anyway, sadly, i fell in love with a pair of gray boots, but i had to say goodbye to them because my mom wasn't willing to pay $40. then the highlight of my day was for the first time, i went into urban outfitters. i found these 2 cute shirts (until i saw the price) there was also another shirt i found in the clearance section but they didn't have my size. -_-
oh & jezzz-us, they had the hugest forever 21 store right across urban outfitters.
ughh,and the leggings were ridiculously overpriced in every store i went into today.
well at least thanksgiving is right around the corner, we might spend it with my dad's co-worker's family,i'm pretty excited since i get along with his daughters.
well goodnight bloggers, i feel like my mocha frappuccino is wearing off,the only thing i got today,ha.


money, that's what i want.

whats up bloggers, it feels like i haven't been on here for awhile. well ever since i broke my cell i don't go on the internet as often (everyday) because i had access to the internet on my cell, and now i have to rely on my parents computer. *sigh* so anyway, my mom and i went to target tonight...and as i was looking in the clearance section, i found an adorable black cardigan that was $8. i also wanted a dress that was $14 but ofcourse my mom bought the cardigan. don't you just hate it when you find something cute but you can't buy it because you're broke? ugh, just one of the many reasons i need to start working. i'm determined to buy that dress, and once i do, i'll definitely post pictures on here.

note to self: i should start looking for thrift stores.



my weekend was pretty good, my mom told me that i might be un-grounded soon,can i get a "woot-woot?!" ha. i feel like my life is getting better,and i'm feeling less depressed. and somehow i managed to get through school today, even though i only got 2 hours of sleep last night. i guess patience is a virtue after all :]


we used to be friends,a long time ago.

when i left germany, i was hopeful i'd keep in touch with all my friends,that even though i was moving,nothing would change...but everything did change. within the week after i left, i constantly received comments on my myspace like "i miss you,come back!" slowly, everyone just stopped keeping in contact, weeks passed, and it turned into months. i was heartbroken. at that point,i realized that the people i considered my friends, weren't really there for me; as much as i wanted to be there for them. i feel like i deserve it though, for more reasons than karma. now when i occasionally talk to them, i sense that our friendship,the bond we had, isn't as strong as it used to be. Because were physically apart, it's hard to include each other in our lives, the phone and the computer can't fill that void. Now that they've moved on, i'm still trying to move on. it might be easier for others, but for me, it's too hard to forget someone that made an impact on me. it's too hard to remember all those good times without feeling like i want to cry, because now all i have is memories.

lucky me.

so last night i snuck out to chill with my friend, we popped some pills and then we went to my community's pool area to smoke. as we were leaving...my phone fell out of my jacket pocket and my phone fell in the pool.
ofcourse i was like "ohhh shitttttttttt" long story short, my phone is broken,so i'm hoping and praying it'll turn back on. i spilled water on my phone once but i think dropping it into a pool is much worse. anyway, i had so much fun last night though. hahaha


Konichiwa Bitches

The only reason I look forward to going to school on thursdays is because the asian club meets. last week I learned some chinese, & this week we've been learning japanese, and it's so fun. if you want to know how to say "my name is..." in japanese, it's: namae wa (your name) desu. pronounced: "na-me wah (your name) des."
they don't pronounce their u's.
I'm still waiting for my club t-shirt though, but once I get it...I'll definitely post it up here.
check out our website:


waves of joy

So today is my baby sister's birthday :]

^this picture was taken in the morning, she has 3 other gifts.
p.s. i think it's lame my parents bought her a shopping cart, if i had money i would've bought her something extravagant.

^i know it looks like she's sorta crying,but that's how she smiles,ha.

Overall,today was alright, the weather was weird though, it was extremely warm in the morning (wrong day to wear a blazer) , then it started to rain really hard,and once it stopped, it was sunny again.
Well i'm off to go eat some
spaghetti,puto (asian dessert), and cake ofcourse,mmm.

p.s. i have 2 other sisters,their twins. (just in case you were wondering)

byeee,hope everyone had a good wednesday! x


life is an awful ugly place not to have a best friend

That's my best friend Andrea, and i miss her soooo sooo much :(
she's currently in texas and i haven't seen her for more than 9 months.
i'm trying to save money to visit her...so hopefully i'll get to see her summer of 2009.
i'm determined to find a way to see her again, fly, drive, take a train, WALK (just kidding)
well talking about her makes me feel a bit sad, so i think i'm gonna go out for a smoke.



suprisingly, today went by super fast. hopefully tomorrow will be the same. so homecoming is this weekend which means; spirit week. todays theme was dress like some sort of character/movie character. today basically felt like halloween since I saw so much people dressed up in a costume. (except me) I saw a gorilla, donald duck, mario & luigi, the joker, & bleeker (character from Juno) I'm way too tired to think & I feel really lazy...but because of my recent procrastination, I have to do a double bubble map for ceramics and take an online test for english 2. it doesn't sound too much, but it really is :P well since my eyelids feel like 30 pound weights are on them...I think I'm going to take a nap.


I really wish I could've lived in the 60's because everyone seemed really friendly,outgoing, and laidback. well obviously drugs had an effect on that era, but I loved how their style was basically effortless. everything was just like "go with the flow". When I thought about the 60's, I started to ponder if I even owned any clothes that could actually be worn back then. i searched my closet but I didn't find anything...so I decided to search in my
mom's closet. unexpectedly, i found this floral dress. I'm not too sure if it has a 60's vibe to it, but I'd also consider it vintage? (tell me what you think)
& the best part of my discovery is...she has even more dresses that I'll make mine :]


To do list:

1)convince my mom I need a fuckin' permit.
2)get some money,cause mo' money, mo' bitches. lol jk :P
3)find a job,even though its less likely since I'm 15.
4)pass the FCAT, maybe I'll find a way to escape that horrid test I've heard of. my dentist suggested I talk to my counselor since I'm new to florida...I doubt that'll work though.
5) to find a willing person to hook me up w/some xanex or diet pills.
6) learn how to play a song on my guitar.
7) hopefully write a song with kaya :]
8) get through this school year!

vicious cycle

my heart is pounding louder now, & all I can feel is my heart pounding. this indescriable feeling is overwhelming me and I can barely breathe.
this certain feeling comes and goes, and I'm always hopeful I don't fall as hard as I did before, but I just end up falling harder,picking up broken pieces of my heart once again. when I find myself in this confusing situation,a battle between infatuation and finding love constantly possesses my thoughts.

physical affection

my toes begin to feel numb, I'm shivering,it's suddenly below zero in this empty room. as my body begins to tremble, my heart starts to beat faster...I need to feel you, I want to feel you.

Dress up


Airshow was a no go

So today my family and i were suppose to go to an airshow but our van wasn't working, so we just stayed home...and i woke up at 7 for no reason -_- lame.
I did take pictures.
I usually don't smile that obnoxiously, but as my sister was taking the picture...my mom made me laugh.
Anyway, hope everyone is having a good sunday so far, i get to watch Skins tonight :D
I think i have some homework to do,later bloggers. x

I left my heart in Hawaii

  1. I miss waking up to see a bird perched right outside my window chirping softly.
  2. I miss the perfect weather.
  3. I miss the drives around the island.
  4. I miss the humid breeze.
  5. I miss how the beaches were never to far away.
  6. I miss watching the waves and how salty my lips would taste on the ride home.
  7. I miss watching tom & jerry with my grandpa on boring weekends.
  8. I miss my friends, especially the ones I never got to say goodbye to.
  9. I miss that the air in the morning was refreshingly cool.
  10. I miss all of the surroundings I used to see everyday.
  11. I miss the outgoing (cute) boys.
  12. I miss how simple my life was.
  13. I miss the walks to kunia shopping center with marvie.
  14. I miss getting a citrus squeeze from jamba juice.
  15. I miss how starbucks was always freezing cold :p
  16. I miss curly fries from jack in the box
  17. I miss how laid back everything was.
  18. I miss the smell of leis when their fresh.
  19. I miss how beautiful Oahu looks at night.
  20. I miss seeing the huge mysterious mountains.
  21. I miss my family back there.
  22. I miss the freedom I had.
  23. I miss the culture.
  24. I miss everything I took for granted.
  25. I miss the long roads that seemed like they would never end.
  26. I miss shave ice.
  27. I miss riding my bike around my neighborhood when there was nothing better to do.
  28. I miss late nights at marvie's house.
  29. I miss the long ride home because of the traffic.
  30. I miss going to kayla's house to see their dog twix, and ofcourse chillin' with the people that lived there too.
  31. I miss chicken katsu and when rowell would make fun of me cause I always pronounced "katsu" wrong >__^
  32. I miss walking around waikiki.
  33. I miss the rice cakes (I think that's what their called?) in chinatown.
  34. I miss malasadas!! mmm :D
  35. I miss every little thing that makes up the island of Oahu.

Lil' Angel

I love Gwen Stefani's new line of perfume, i bought Lil' angel a few months ago (as you can see to the left) and i absoultely adore it, i dont use it everyday, only if i'm going somewhere besides school. i also wanted to buy Music, but i'll just add that to my christmas list. Well I'm off to go take pictures, ciao :]


Strawberry Fields.

You can probably tell I'm supahh bored but I've realized that I've been constantly listening to the beatles.
& I have most of their songs already memorized.for the past week, I've caught myself singing their songs like; all you need is love,don't let me down, yellow submarine,lucy in the sky with diamonds,& revolution.
who doesn't love songs inspired through drugs?haha ;P
don't judge/hate,but my goal is to try the drugs I haven't taken at least once,excluding meth,heroin,and coke though.
it's 9:32 right now, and I'm suprisingly sleepy.
+ I have to wake up at 7 to get ready since my family & I are going to an airshow tomorrow. sounds fun? possibly, but getting up at 7 am doesn't sound too great.
goodnight bloggers,peace & love. x